A comprehensive test for the aged

Published 1:24 pm Friday, February 16, 2018

A few years ago, I made an application for renewal of my Alabama Certified Appraisal License and was told if one was over 65 years in age, a mental test must be administered and passed by the applicant.

The Appraisal Board states that since a lot of judgments and calculations are required to carry out a certified appraisal, the appraiser must have the mental acumen to meet the standards set by the Appraisal Board.

Hee-hee! Not only did I pass but I aced the test administered by the Board. Now I can legally inform you of a range of values for your real estate.

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It is real simple — if you want to sell it or mortgage it, the property is prime real estate. However, if you are having it appraised for taxes, it isn’t anything but eroded weed infested cropland of little value.

Here is the test administered (along with the answers):

What is the best day to go to the Beach?

On a Sunday! Who wants to go on a cloudy Saturday?

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer! Everybody knows that! Yes, and some say that I am full of bull.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

You dummy, it had a virus. Bo Jackson had told me all about computer viruses!

What did the Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?

Where is Pop Corn? Everybody knows that Pop Corn was in the bag!

What kind of button can you not unbutton?

A belly button! I have noticed at the beach that some belly buttons need to be unbuttoned.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator! And University of Florida fans who drink Gatorade are really only drinking kool aid.

Why should you take a pencil to bed?

To draw the curtains! As for me, I pull the blinds.

On the same subject of going to bed, what did the blanket say to the bed?

Don’t worry, I got you covered! Or, pull up the covers!

Along the same subject, what has a head, a foot and four legs?

A bed! Uh oh, I gave that one away.

What goes through towns and up and over hills?

The road! Add to that my money as it goes down the pike.

What kind of driver never gets a ticket?

A screw driver! I always knew that a lot of my driving friends need their heads screwed on.

What do you call when a man who finally stands up to bullies?

An am-bull-ance! That is what Tommy, the Coward of the County, did but he did beat up the Gatlin Brothers. As stated earlier, you may want to call a bulldozer to handle bullies.

Why did the belt get arrested?

He held up a pair of pants. That is why it is a good idea to wear suspenders.

More about the belt. What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time! And that truly fits anyone who would bother to read this nonsense.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Dummy, then it would be a foot. One of my old LaFayette High School buddies had a nose a foot long. That is why we nicknamed him Snort.

What begins with a P and ends with an E and has a thousand letters in between?

The Post Office! Trouble is, Post Master Joe Ashley puts most of the letters in the wrong box.

My wife inquires,“What do I do at the office all day?”

As you can see by reading the preceding nonsense, I stay busy acting like a fool. It beats working!