Yesterday I realized that I needed a light fixture such that I could plug an extension cord into it as well as screw in a light bulb. So I headed out to the Mayberry True Value Hardware (I mean LaFayette True Value Hardware) and was met by Gomer Trammell. He said that Cooter Allen was in his office counting nails, He needed to know how many to ship to Tuscaloosa to assemble an elephant shed to keep the mascot out of the rain. It is quite obvious to me that the crowd out there, per an old Southern expression, PIDDLE AROUND when they should be concentrating on how they can raise enough money to pay their coach.

As I head on home, I stop by Norman Dry Cleaners to pick up my dry cleaning and was met by Dimwit Fitts. Now as I have said before, Dimwit is smart and very well read such that he can tell you the history of the Roman Empire.  But does he know about things that matter? I think that he is GOING TO POT. I do not mean that he is smokes pot, but that he is not quite up to speed on stuff.  He did not know that President Trump was putting a tariff on metal clothes hangers. Now that plastic use is illegal for drinking straws, balloons and plastic, clothes hangers are probably next in line to be banned. At least that is what the environmental Socialists are saying. Dimwit is going to have to hang his clothes on tree limbs. Pelosi and Schumer are trying to take all of us TO THE CLEANER’S.

Reflecting on last week’s column Lunch at the Country Store, the bologna thing came to mind. As far as I know, nobody eats bologna anymore. Especially if you know that the source of bologna meat waste meat from an animal’s intestines, sexual parts, eyes, ears and tongue. Now many of you young folk may think that I am making it up and that it is a BUNCH OF BALONEY. I won’t even get into how chitlins are made. If you cook chitlins and the water turns brown, go ahead and sit down and chew them around before swallowing. In the end, they turn brown again if you get my drift.

Another a word found in the Southern Vocabulary is SHOW OFF.  Maybe braggart would be a more descriptive word relative to my thoughts on the subject. The following is a true story. I received a video on the internet of my friend (or used to be) Jim Frank. The total minutes of the video were shown with Jim tuning his guitar using a tuner. Now I thought, what is this guy SHOWING OFF? 

A little later a second video came up with Jim strumming his guitar and singing his version of On The Road Again. Now I will be the first to admit that I am a big fan of Jim’s artistic talents. He is a pro in wheeling around town using a strange looking two wheel step operated ride.  But as far as his musical talents, although it beats my efforts which makes me jealous, he will not be a head liner on the Grand Ole Opry. I think he will not be on the road again like Willie Nelson but heading to a dead end on his elliptical rider.

Now some of my friends and readers may be RECKONING that I am becoming TOO BIG FOR MY BRITCHES.  WELL I DECLARE that CHANGING MY TUNE probably won’t happen TIL THE COWS COME HOME.