The questions we ask God
In the age of COVID-19, we have had to make many adjustments, and not all of them have been warmly embraced. The lack of human contact and the isolation it creates continues to inflict unsolicited pain and anguish as we wait for answers to a virus that is ravaging our country. It really hit home for me this past weekend when I chose to watch a FaceBook “Live” viewing of the funeral Mass of a friend who died unexpectedly. The feeling was surreal watching it from the comfort of my home because normally I wouldn’t think twice about attending- but now, there is hesitation and moral conflict about things such as quarantine and the continued focus on the safety of others.
I know I am not alone in that regard as I saw the numbers vacillate and reach almost 200 people who were also present online and who wanted to be a part of celebrating the life of such an amazing individual. And then the priest read a poem entitled “Why, God?” To say it was profound and stirred the heart would be an understatement because it basically put into words what so many were questioning- “Why did this have to happen? Why someone so young and vibrant? Why this family who has already suffered so much loss?” Of course the answer to that is that “There is no answer.”
None of us have ever been privy to what God has in store for us, and in all honesty, when blessings are bestowed upon us, we gladly accept them and rarely question our good fortune. But, when tragedy strikes, we are often left reeling and wondering, a part of grief that leaves us lost and confused, struggling mightily to understand what has happened.
There are some that believe that questioning God is unholy, that we are just “to accept” what is fated and embrace that “He knows what is best for us.” And then there are others who understand that questioning is a normal part of loss and that by doing so, it contributes to our healing journey, sometimes giving us the answers we need to move forward, while at other times leaving us feeling stalled or stuck in place, unable to move out of unbearable pain towards seeking comfort. As children we are taught to inquire and to be curious. We are
encouraged to gather information, research and participate in our education, however as adults, our questioning becomes more of a journey, one that many find uncomfortable. Sorting through feelings, adapting to unexpected change, or slowly “finding our way” and “becoming” our new selves post suffering a death related loss can be more than difficult. Our support system is often present and understanding, while at other times it can be absent and unable to comprehend our need for answers. Grief is endless and becomes a part of our lives whether we like it or not. They say “in time” that answers arrive unexpectedly and comfort us in our healing, and I truly believe that they do- but, when that time comes and how many answers we need in order to find inner peace is certainly a part of each individual’s unique experience.
So, keep questioning and search for the meaning that provides the most comfort.
If I am not mistaken, God is used to being pummeled with questions and I feel certain that He “doesn’t mind.”