A quiz for those seeking political office

Published 10:57 pm Wednesday, June 13, 2018

During my 48 years of having an office in LaFayette and traveling there daily, I have never seen the likes of so many political signs on the highway. I would almost bet you that there has been over $100,000 spent on road signs and on-air advertising in Chambers County for all these candidates.

In an earlier article, I asked, “What are the requirements to be an office holder?” It seems that being able to read and write and to win friends and influence people is all that is required. Since that is the case, I have decided to recommend a common sense quiz that all candidates would have to pass. 

Now this quiz is designed to measure not the intellectual ability of the candidate, but a test of using common sense. The quiz is as follows–

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In which battle did Davy Crockett die?  His last battle

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?  At the bottom of the page

The Susquehanna River is in which state?  In its liquid form

What is the main reason for divorce?  Marriage

What is the main reason for failure?  This exam

What can you never eat for breakfast?  Lunch and dinner

What looks like a half of an apple?  The other half

If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?  Wet

How can a man go eight days without sleeping?  No problem – he can sleep at night

How can you lift an elephant with one hand?  You can’t because you can never find an elephant with one hand

If you had three apples in one hand and four oranges in the other hand, what would you have?   A large hand 

If it took 8 men ten hours to build a wall, how long would take 4 men to build it?  No time at all as it is already built

How can you drop an egg on a concrete floor and not crack it?  Any way that you want as concrete floors are hard to crack

I thought that I would take these questions out to LaFayette True Value Hardware and see how Cooter Allen would do. I know that Dimwit Fitts would blow right through it. Maybe he can recommend a civics quiz to the Alabama legislature that would qualify a candidate.

And I have also been musing about the fate of all those political yard signs.  As a child of the Depression, I can’t stand for anything to go to waste.  A quick search on the Internet yielded some great ideas—cut them up to fit the base of reusable tote bags to make more sturdy; lay on the lawn to kill a weed patch; use as a drop cloth for spray paint projects; take the metal stakes and mark a garden; repaint/recover for a yard sale sign; and my favorite–use as target practice at a gun range.